Forever Family

2007-12-20T09:42:00.000-08:00

So fast forward to now...it's almost Christmas and this Christmas is even more special because it's out first Christmas as a family!

Katy turned 4 Oct 30 and even though we've only been a family for a short 7 months it seems like she's been with us forever. I honestly have a hard time remembering life without her. I often wonder if she seems so much like me because of nature vs. nurture. There is no doubt in my mind that while she was born halfway across the world she was meant for us.

I keep thinking how lucky, how blessed I am. I may have been angry in the past over lost children but now I can see that there was a plan for us. Katy has saved me in so many ways and everyday I give thanks for her.

I also can't help but think of her bio-mom and the pain she must still feel over her loss. I pray every night that she will be comforted, that she will know Katy is safe and loved. It is very important to me that Katy knows she was loved and not abandoned for convenience. Her mother loved her so much she risked her life to place her at the Civil Affairs entrance--a government building. She risked her life to make sure Katy would be found quickly. She wrapped her baby in her apron and left a note so we would know her true birth date. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this woman. I also cannot tell you how much I hurt for her. She is a hero in my eyes--she risked her life to save my daughter. I don't know how many people will ever understand the magnitude of her actions. In rural China there are still places that kill newborn girls. Abandonment is illegal, but it is also illegal to have more than one child. We will never know what situation brought this mother to leave her child but we do know that she made the decision to let Katy live and to give Katy a better life--for that I will always be grateful.

Anyhow I had a real moment the other night. I had a difficult day at work, was tired and cranky...I drove across town during rush hour to pick up Katy from my mom's house. The roads were horrible and really icy and all I wanted to do was go home. On the ride home Katy was asking a million questions and kind of whining because she didn't want to leave grandma's house. At one point I was silently pleading (in my head) for her to just be quiet! I started flipping through the radio stations when suddenly Martina McBride came on:

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero--I am strong and wise and I know no fear--But the truth is plain to see--She was sent to rescue me--I see who I want to be--In my daughter's eyes--In my daughter's eyes--Everyone is equal--Darkness turns to light--And the world is at peace--This miracle God gave to me--Gives me strength when I'm weak--I find reason to believe--In my daughter's eyes--And when she wraps her hand around my finger--Oh it puts a smile in my heart--Everything becomes a little clearer--I realize what life is all about--It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough--It's givin' more when you feel like givin' up--I've seen the light--It's in my daughter's eyes--In my daughter's eyes--I can see the future--A reflection of who I am--And what we'll be--And though she'll grow and someday leave--Maybe raise a family--When I'm gone I hope you'll see--How happy she made me--For I'll be there--In my daughter's eyes

Hmm...well if that didn't make me stop and think. So now when things are crazy and I'm a little cranky I force myself to stop and remember that song. Katy has taught me about courage and unconditional love. She has taught me about trust and patience. She has completely saved me from myself.

So while we are counting our blessings this Christmas I will be sure to count Katy twice and thank God for this wonderful daughter I have been blessed with.

Merry Christmas!

2007-11-23T14:43:00.000-08:00

Well it has taken me long enough to finally spill all the details....Life has been crazy, but an absolutely wonderful crazy!

May 10--arrived in Beijing after a very long flight! We met our guide, Michaell, at the airport and he took us straight to the Peace Hotel. We checked in and immediately called my parents and crashed into bed.

May 11--We found out we did not have a "group" and had Michael and Mr. Lee (our driver) all to ourselves! We went to the Great Wall and we were presented with 2 paths. To the right was a wide section of the wall with a very slight up hill grade. It was also packed with people as far as the eye could see. On the left was a narrow and very steep section of the wall, and it was nearly empty. We decided to take the left side. Michael and Mr. Lee waited down in one of the tea houses while we trekked as far as we could up the wall. The stone was quite smooth and worn making the path a little slippery. We hiked for what seemed like miles and hours when in reality it was little more than 1/4 of a mile! It was hot and humid but there was a nice breeze. We were constantly followed by "vendors" selling their merchandise and stopped many times just to enjoy the view. We still look at each other and think "I can't believe we walked on the Great Wall."

After the Great Wall we took a trip to a jade factory. We had no idea jade came in so many colors--white, orange, brown, yellow, and every shade of green imaginable. We watched a chunk of jade make it's way through several "sculptors" until it was a small Buddha pendant. Then we shopped! We bought a small round pendant for Katy that is supposed to bring her good luck through life and I got a small Buddha to help guide me spiritually.

We then made a trip to Hutong Lane which turned out not to be a shopping area but a small section of "Old Beijing." It was basically a small village that has been left untouched for several decades. We were taken on a rickshaw ride and then visited with the "head" of the village in his home. The rickshaw ride was quite an experience! One tiny little older guy pulling both of us on a trailer attached to a bike. That poor man! We were sure he would end up having a stroke or hernia trying to pull us over the cobblestone road!

We finally made it back to the hotel, exhausted! We then took in the lovely looking seafood buffet offered at the hotel restaurant. Poor Todd, I walked him into a bad situation that only got worse! Most of the seafood was raw--sushi, others were completely unrecognizable, and the rest looked good but ended up being more than we could handle. Todd swears he ate "cat butt" on toast! The look on his face made me laugh so hard!

May 12--We meet another adoptive parent with the Holt group, who was also named Todd. Michael took us to the Holt office and we had an orientation of sorts. We were presented with a short history of China and adoption. We were also given a beautiful book with more pictures of Katy, facts about the region she grew up in, and interesting trivia. I will never forget the feelings that book evoked. We were in such awe, our baby girl was almost in our arms.

After orientation we were taken to the Temple Of Heaven. This temple was used for sacrifice and prayer for bountiful crops for the people. The entire temple was made of wood, not a single piece of metal. The temple was struck with lightning and completely burned to the ground. It was rebuilt -again all in wood-but this time they added a metal rod just in case. The temple was surrounded by a beautiful garden and walking paths.

After lunch we were taken to Tiananmen Square. It was so windy you could feel yourself being pushed across the square. It was amazing to see all these people who had traveled from all over China gathering at the Mao Zedong Memorial Hall--which was closed for renovations. It was a serious and somber atmosphere complete with armed soldiers and a changing of the guard.

Before the end of the day we had also gone to a pearl warehouse--where I shopped of course!- and a tea house. The tea ritual was wonderful and Todd and I found a love for the black tea with lychee. So I shopped some more and came home with a variety of teas!

We ended the evening at a show, The Legend of Kung Fu. This was a group of Shaolin monks performing kung fu and various acrobatics. It was amazing!

May 13--We left Beijing and flew about 300 miles south to Nanchang in the Jiangxi Province. We were met at the airport by out Holt Staff member/Guide and taken to the Gloria Plaza Hotel. We arrived at the hotel at approximately 2:30pm. In our room Lisa went over our paperwork and tried to prepare us for the "Gotcha" moment. We were in a bit of a panic trying to get all the little gifts together and I was trying just to hold myself together. We had a chance to shower and freshen up. Before we knew it it was 3:30pm and Lisa was back a ready to take us to the Ministry of Civil Affairs office. The ride was quite tense and I was feeling a bit stressed and emotional. Once we arrived at the building we went up several floors (I can't remember how many I was too busy trying to remember to breathe!) and as soon as the elevator doors opened all you could hear was crying. We went down the hall and stepped over a six inch threshold and into a large room with large wooden chairs, lots of bewildered white couples, and lots of crying children. Lisa moved us towards the right and there was our Katy. One of the orphanage workers whispered to her and she looked right at me and called me mommy. Then I did what any great mother does--I ran out of the room and hid behind a door. I couldn't stop crying and thought there was no way I could do this. Meanwhile Todd had crouched down beside her and was talking to her, he looked over at me and I knew it was time to try again. I walked back into the room and crouched down beside her. She did not cry and she was more brave than anyone I have ever known. We asked a few questions and I finally started touching Katy-rubbing her back, touching her hand. At some point in the middle of all this we gave her a doll and someone gave her some flavored milk. All too soon it was time to leave and this brave girl grabbed my hand and walked out to the elevator. When we got into the van and started going back to the hotel Katy made a frantic plea in Mandarin--please call my foster mother and ask her to come get me quickly, I miss her terribly. We all made it to the hotel and Lisa came to our room to finish up some more paperwork. Todd got out the bag we packed for Katy and strated showing her some of her new things. She was chatty and happy and seemed at ease. Then Lisa left for the evening and it was just the three of us. The dam finally broke and Katy raged. I have never seen a child so angry and scared. She screamed, she stomped, and she cried. We couldn't seem to calm her so we let her pour it all out. Todd waited patiently and I cried and thought that maybe we were making the wrong decision. How could we take her from the only family she has ever known? How could we expect her to leave everything familiar just for us? Todd finally ordered dinner and neith Katy nor I ate. Todd finally got her calmed down a bit and we even got her dress off of her and put on a pajama top. She finally let us lay her down in bed and she finally fell asleep clutching her package of new hair clippies. I then brokedown and all the stress, grief, and overwhelming emotion finally took over. I don't know what I would have done without Todd. He stayed so calm and level headed through everything. I finally crawled into bed with Katy and prayed harder then I've ever prayed before. I prayed for guidance on how to handle everything that was happening, I prayed for Katy-that she would be comforted, I prayed for her foster family that they would be comforted and know that we would do everything and anything for our daughter and that we would love her the best we knew how. I don't remember if I stopped praying or if I just fell asleep.

I will finish this up later as I find myself in tears all over again! I am still amazed at the strength and courage that Katy had and still has. I will never forget how it felt when she grabbed my hand and walked with me trusting me and accepting me as her mommy.

2007-04-12T10:28:00.000-07:00

We finally got our travel dates; we will be in China from May 10-23. The coolest part is that we actually get Katy on Mother's Day; I have perma grin.

I can't believe everything the agency has set up for us. We are going to be tking some great tours. Todd and I keep watching all these programs on China and now we are actually going to see some of those places in real life.

Here's our itinerary:
May 10--arrive in Beijing
May 11--meet our "group" and tour the Great Wall and Hutong Lane (shopping)
May 12--orientation at the Holt (agency) office; tour Tiananmen Square and Temple of Heaven
May 13--fly to Nanchang; 4:00pm child handoff at C/A office (Gottcha Day)
May 14--paperwork
May 15--activities (we won't know what we'll be doing...)
May 16--activities (same as above)
May 17--activities (same as above)
May 18--pick up child's passport; fly to Guangzhou
May 19--visa photo and child medical exam
May 20--paperwork
May 21--exit meeting
May 22--Consulate Oath taking and pick up visa
May 23--fly out of Guangzhou and back to Alaska

27 days and counting...

2007-03-14T16:23:00.000-07:00

Well, we got our Visas yesterday. One step closer. Still waiting for the magic call...

2007-03-09T13:23:00.000-08:00

So we finally got the confirmation letter or Letter of Approval as it's now called. I think we've signed 4 or 5 letters stating yes we accept this child! What are the waiting for a signature in blood?! I understand the reasoning and I'm glad they are very cautious...I'm just anxious. We have very tentative date range of March 18-April 15. I'm afraid that by the time we get her she'll be in high school and asking for her own car!

But looking at the big picture: we will be getting our daughter soon and finally we'll have started our family. I'm so excited-Easter, Mother's day, Father's day, her birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas! Not to mention all the days in between!!

2007-03-05T14:59:00.000-08:00

We just received a message from Holt International that they have received our confirmation letter! We should receive our travel dates within 1 week!!

It's finally happening! Now I just need to finish packing, cleaning the house for our house/dog sitter, and get things prepared for a toddler! I feel a little panic creeping in, but I know we'll be ok.

Katy, here we come!

2007-03-01T14:24:00.000-08:00

Our dossier was logged in to China on Dec 1, 2006. We had been told that due to some back log that our travel date would be 2-4 months after the log in date. It has been 3 months and no travel date yet.

Todd is as calm and as steady as ever while I am going crazy! I think my parents may be more anxious than I am—which makes me smile a little whenever I think about it. I haven’t been able to get through one day without someone asking me about Katy. I’m still in awe over how many people want to be a part of her life, of how much support we have been offered.

I have been dreaming of Katy and I’m a little afraid of what our first meeting will be like. I’m afraid I’ll overwhelm her with my emotions. She is the biggest blessing in my life, she is the answer to my prayers, and she is my daughter. I don’t know if she’ll ever understand how much that means to me. I don’t know if I could ever really explain the magnitude of emotions I feel knowing she is my daughter.

Her birth mother…I pray that she has peace. I can’t imagine how difficult her life has been. I hope she knows somehow that Katy is coming to a family who loves her so much.

The foster parents…I ask for forgiveness, because I’m about to break their little family apart. I pray that they will be comforted and protected. More than anything I am grateful to them for watching over Katy and providing her a loving home. I know the joys and pains of being a foster parent. I know what it is like to love a child with your whole heart knowing that you will say goodbye before you’re ready. Words could never express my gratitude for this family.

I have been able to start a photo album during the wait, so that’s good. I should be doing a “life book” but I’m feeling a little overwhelmed at the idea of putting all of this in a scrapbook. How do I take something so HUGE and make it fit into words and pictures? I’ll figure it all out later.

2006-10-04T14:03:00.000-07:00

October 2006...Things are moving right along! Our local social worker sent our homestudy to Holt for the final approval and thank God it all went through! So we finally, officially have our Adoption Homestudy...whew.

We also have an appointment on the 18th to do our fingerprints. Once the fingerprints are done we will get our I-171H, which is the last document we need for our dossier. Right now Holt is saying the dossiers for special needs children are being processed in less than 2 months. Once the dossier has been processed we will travel to China to get Katy.

I have to remind myself that we are almost done and will have our daughter soon. This waiting is driving me crazy though and making me a very cranky person. I just want to bring Katy home already!!!

2006-09-25T08:41:00.000-07:00

ONE STEP CLOSER

Well we are one step closer to the end of this paperchase! We got a call Friday that Holt had received our final draft of the home study and approved it!! Yeah!!

So Fairbanks Counseling and Adoption will give us 3 notarized and certified copies of the home study. One copy will go to Holt, one copy will go to immigration, and we will keep one copy. Once immigration gets their copy we will do our fingerprints and get our I-171H. Then we send a notarized and certified copy of the I-171H to Holt and they finally send the entire notarized, certified, and authenticated mess to China!

Once China approves the whole dossier they will contact Holt and we will travel within 2 weeks of the very final approval....

I know we are getting there but it still feels like it's never gonna end!

Hang in there Katy...we're working as fast as we can to come get you.

On a side note I gotta quit buying stuff. I bought her 2 more pairs of shoes this weekend. So far we've gotten her a snow suit, hat/gloves, snow boots, white canvas tennis shoes, brown suede casual shoes, 2 microfleece pant/pull over sweater sets, 2 complete 3 piece jeans/shirt/jacket sets, 2 pairs courdroys, 1 velour sweat suit outfit, 5 shirts, and jammies. I just keep seeing cute little clothes and I can't help myself, this is getting ridiculous!

2006-09-22T09:50:00.000-07:00

WHAT HAVE WE ACCOMPLISHED

Whenever I have a big project to tackle I like to make a list. Then again I make lists for everything. It's a control thing, I tend to be a control freak--maybe a little obssesed and most definitely a Type A+++++. So when it came time for the dossier I made a list. A big one--with highlighting and check marks and dates and updates. Like I said I'm a little obssesed.

PROSPECTIVE ADOPTIVE PARENT FORM: sent to dossier service (DS)
APPLICATION LETTER: notarized, certified, sent to DS-waiting for authentication
BIRTH CERTIFICATE (TODD): certified, sent to DS, authenticated
BIRTH CERTIFICATE (LEONA): certified, sent to DS-waiting for auth
MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE: certified, sent to DS-waiting for auth
DIVORCE CERTIFICATE (LEONA): certified, sent to DS-waiting for auth
EMPLOYMENT LETTER (TODD): notarized, certified, sent to DS-waiting for auth
EMPLOYMENT LETTER (LEONA): notarized, certified, sent to DS-waiting for auth
CERTIFICATE OF FINANCIAL STATUS: notarized, certified, sent to DS-waiting to auth
CERTIFICATE OF GENERAL PHYSICAL EXAM (TODD): notarized, certified, sent to DS-waiting to auth
CERTIFICATE OF GENERAL PHYSICAL EXAM (LEONA): notarized, certified, sent to DS-waiting to auth
POLICE CLEARANCE DOMESTIC (TODD): notarized, certified, sent to DS-waiting to auth
POLICE CLEARANCE DOMESTIC (LEONA): notarized, certified, sent to DS-waiting to auth
POLICE CLEARANCE INTERNATIONAL (TODD): notarized, certified, sent to DS-waiting to auth
ADOPTION STUDY: waiting for final draft to be approved by Holt
PASSPORT PAGE (TODD): sent to DS
PASSPORT PAGE (LEONA): sent to DS
I600A: all info sent except homestudy, waiting for fingerprint appointment
I-171H: waiting for completion of I60A; when I-171H received must make 3 copies and notarize and certify all copies-send 1 vopy to DS to auth
PHOTOGRAPHS: sent to DS

FEES:
HOMESTUDY FEE: paid in full
DOSSIER SERVICE FEE: paid in full
I600A PROCESSING FEE: paid in full
FINGERPRINTING FEE: paid in full
ADOPTION FEE: still pending
TRAVEL FEE: still pending
PLANE TICKETS: still pending

So we got a lot done. Now we are waiting on other people to do their part. I'm relieved that we've gotten all of our financial needs taken care of--that was stressful. Now we just wait. Whenever I get impatient I remind myself of how much we've done so quickly and that our wait is really not that long--then I look at Katy's big grin and I laugh. I can't wait to see that grin for myself and to be the one who makes her face light up. Man I love that little girl--I am a lucky woman, truly blessed.

2006-09-21T11:59:00.000-07:00

SEPTEMBER 2006

We have received recent photos of Yuan Niu. She has a great smile, it lights up her whole face. What a beautiful child! We've also made decisions and efforts to prepare for her homecoming.

We have decided to give her an American name but keep her Chinese name and use it as her middle name. So once we are home and finalizing the adoption we will rename her Katy Yuan Niu Kochte. What a mouthful, that poor child! We don't want to forget her Chinese heritage and we want her to know the name that was chosen for her by the people who loved her and cared for her until we could bring her home. At this time I will also change my legal name from Hendrickson-Kochte to Kochte. We're a family now so we should all have the same last name.

Katy's room has been painted and decorated. Mom and I bought her a pink bed set with ballerinas on it. We're finally allowing ourselves to be excited. We've bought clothes and shoes and have made plans. I'm still scared to death and Todd is still calm. I have Katy's picture in my office and I can't help but smile every time I look at her. I'm counting the days...Dad looks at her picture every day and tells her we are hurrying and that we'll be there soon to bring her home. Mom prays for her every day. I pray for her every night and for her foster parents. Todd is still calm, he's not worried or at least he won't tell me if he is.

So we are still waiting...

2006-09-21T11:39:00.000-07:00

DROWNING IN PAPERWORK

August 2006 we were drowning in paperwork. I was so overwhelmed, there was so much to do. So I made a list and I tackled one item at a time. Todd was running back and forth from the courthouse to the Vital Statistics and the notary at Alaska USA Federal Credit Union was getting used to our daily visits.

We had a couple of set backs with my birth certificate and our physicals but it all came together. We had decided to sign up for the dossier service provided by Holt. It was an extra fee but we felt it was worth it. Now all we had to do was get the documents notarized and certified but Holt would do the authentication and actually put the dossier together. Now we know the dossier will be correct and should be processed without any problems.

During all of this we were sent all the original photos of our daughter. We were given a whole 6 pictures. She's almost 3 years old and there were only 6 pictures to document her childhood. It breaks my heart. We received more information and were told that she had been placed with a foster family at 1 week old. That bit of information eased our minds on issues of attachment and bonding. Children who are placed in orphanages have a greater chance of having attachment disorders and problems bonding. From the information we received we know that she is happy, healthy, and progressing perfectly for her age.

I am amazed at how quickly we all fell in love with Yuan Niu. I was hesitant to show her pictures or make plans because I know how it feels to have all this hope and then have it yanked away so quickly. It's devastating to have your dreams crushed and to be left with nothing. My dad never faltered in his faith that everything would work out. He had Yuan Niu's pictures everywhere, even in his wallet. He told everyone and anyone that he was a grandpa. My mom hung back a little, she was feeling cautious and she didn't want to see me get hurt again. Todd was calm as usual and had no doubt that everything would go smoothly.

Now we are waiting...we are waiting for immigration to process our application to adopt froma foreign country. We are waiting for our home study to be finalized. We are waiting for our dossier to be sent to China. We are waiting for our travel dates to bring our new daughter home. We are waiting.

2006-09-21T10:29:00.000-07:00

PRAYERS ARE ANSWERED

July 2006 we found ourselves being scrutinized and picked apart to see if we were worthy of adopting a child. This was a really stressful situation, but we knew it was neccessary. Along with this mass of paperwork and 3 pound Adoption Process Guidebook we were given access to Holt's Waiting Children Photolisting.

The photolisting had about 16 children with short biographies. We searched these photos and read every word of the biographies. We kept referring to Web MD to research conditions and researching what medical specialties we had available in our little town. Mid July Todd found a little girl who had just been listed. He called me at work and said look at the little girl in the top row, first one on the left. I read her bio and agreed that her medical condition was nothing big and we could definitely handle it. I'm chosing not to disclose her medical need because no one needs to know and no one will be endangered by it. I told Todd that I didn't know if she was the one so I kept looking. Todd kept talking about her so I kept going back to her picture, and I prayed. A couple days later I looked at her picture and knew she was meant for us. I think I was just to afraid to see it. July 14 we asked the social worker for the little girl's complete file. We received the file July 17 and knew without a doubt that we wanted to be her parents. I called the case worker at Holt that day and said we wanted her, this little girl named Yuan Niu who was born Oct 30, 2003.

Yuan Niu is a lucky little girl. There were 2 other families who wanted her. We had a phone interview with the case worker on July 24 and we were told a decision would be made on July 27--just 72 hours later. How do a social workers choose a family for a child? Well it turns out they literally put the writing on the wall. A case worker was designated for each adoptive family, another case worker designated to the child. They list the adoptive families pros and cons and then list the childs needs. Then they compare, and they critique, and they scrutinized. You are judged based on paper and one phone interview. I can't imagine the weight of the responsibility placed on these people.

July 27 I was a mess and Todd was as calm as could be. My mother told me not to think about it and my father said not to worry because he had had a dream. He knew Yuan Niu was ours, was meant for us. Finally at 2:00pm I received a call from Holt. The case worker told me a decision had been made, we were chosen for Yuan Niu. I don't remember breathing, all I remember is crying and thanking her and God. I still tear up thinking about it. Finally my prayers had been answered.

I called Todd, I called my mom, I called my dad, I was running down the halls of the hospital (where I work) to tell my boss. I prayed and thanked God. Finally after all these years...

2006-09-21T10:11:00.000-07:00

THE FIRST STEP

June 2006 marked a new beginning for us. Todd and I had finally made a decision. After 6 years of fertility treatments and 3 early losses we had decided to move on. We contacted Fairbanks Counseling and adoption and met with a social worker. This was not our first meeting; we had done this twice before. I wasn't ready to move on then, but I am now. We completed our application and started our homestudy.

Now we had to decide if we wanted to adopt locally, domestically, or internationally. What races would we consider? Could we handle a child with medical needs? Did we want a baby or an older child? It was so overwhelming and confusing. So we talked and we prayed and we talked and prayed some more. We spoke with my parents and asked their opinion. We talked with a friend of ours who had chosen to place her daughter with an adoptive family. I was scared and Todd was concerned.

We finally decided to adopt internationally; we chose to adopt from China. Now we needed to work with a second agency and our social worker recommended Holt International. After doing some research we agreed to apply with Holt. We also decided that we wanted a "waiting child." Waiting children tend to be older, 1 year and up, and have medical needs. Maybe I should explain why...we lost a baby in 2001 and I was devasted. I prayed for answers and I screamed at God for being so cruel. One night after much praying and crying and begging for help I finally fell asleep. At one point I could feel myself surrounded by a warm, soft light and I heard a voice. This voice told me that I was to love the children nobody wanted. I woke up and new that I needed to do this, so we started doing foster care. We loved the children we met through foster care and every single one of them was considered special needs. I think we were meant to do foster care to prepare us for our Forever Family.