So fast forward to now...it's almost Christmas and this Christmas is even more special because it's out first Christmas as a family!

Katy turned 4 Oct 30 and even though we've only been a family for a short 7 months it seems like she's been with us forever. I honestly have a hard time remembering life without her. I often wonder if she seems so much like me because of nature vs. nurture. There is no doubt in my mind that while she was born halfway across the world she was meant for us.

I keep thinking how lucky, how blessed I am. I may have been angry in the past over lost children but now I can see that there was a plan for us. Katy has saved me in so many ways and everyday I give thanks for her.

I also can't help but think of her bio-mom and the pain she must still feel over her loss. I pray every night that she will be comforted, that she will know Katy is safe and loved. It is very important to me that Katy knows she was loved and not abandoned for convenience. Her mother loved her so much she risked her life to place her at the Civil Affairs entrance--a government building. She risked her life to make sure Katy would be found quickly. She wrapped her baby in her apron and left a note so we would know her true birth date. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this woman. I also cannot tell you how much I hurt for her. She is a hero in my eyes--she risked her life to save my daughter. I don't know how many people will ever understand the magnitude of her actions. In rural China there are still places that kill newborn girls. Abandonment is illegal, but it is also illegal to have more than one child. We will never know what situation brought this mother to leave her child but we do know that she made the decision to let Katy live and to give Katy a better life--for that I will always be grateful.

Anyhow I had a real moment the other night. I had a difficult day at work, was tired and cranky...I drove across town during rush hour to pick up Katy from my mom's house. The roads were horrible and really icy and all I wanted to do was go home. On the ride home Katy was asking a million questions and kind of whining because she didn't want to leave grandma's house. At one point I was silently pleading (in my head) for her to just be quiet! I started flipping through the radio stations when suddenly Martina McBride came on:

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero--I am strong and wise and I know no fear--But the truth is plain to see--She was sent to rescue me--I see who I want to be--In my daughter's eyes--In my daughter's eyes--Everyone is equal--Darkness turns to light--And the world is at peace--This miracle God gave to me--Gives me strength when I'm weak--I find reason to believe--In my daughter's eyes--And when she wraps her hand around my finger--Oh it puts a smile in my heart--Everything becomes a little clearer--I realize what life is all about--It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough--It's givin' more when you feel like givin' up--I've seen the light--It's in my daughter's eyes--In my daughter's eyes--I can see the future--A reflection of who I am--And what we'll be--And though she'll grow and someday leave--Maybe raise a family--When I'm gone I hope you'll see--How happy she made me--For I'll be there--In my daughter's eyes

Hmm...well if that didn't make me stop and think. So now when things are crazy and I'm a little cranky I force myself to stop and remember that song. Katy has taught me about courage and unconditional love. She has taught me about trust and patience. She has completely saved me from myself.

So while we are counting our blessings this Christmas I will be sure to count Katy twice and thank God for this wonderful daughter I have been blessed with.

Merry Christmas!