THE FIRST STEP

June 2006 marked a new beginning for us. Todd and I had finally made a decision. After 6 years of fertility treatments and 3 early losses we had decided to move on. We contacted Fairbanks Counseling and adoption and met with a social worker. This was not our first meeting; we had done this twice before. I wasn't ready to move on then, but I am now. We completed our application and started our homestudy.

Now we had to decide if we wanted to adopt locally, domestically, or internationally. What races would we consider? Could we handle a child with medical needs? Did we want a baby or an older child? It was so overwhelming and confusing. So we talked and we prayed and we talked and prayed some more. We spoke with my parents and asked their opinion. We talked with a friend of ours who had chosen to place her daughter with an adoptive family. I was scared and Todd was concerned.

We finally decided to adopt internationally; we chose to adopt from China. Now we needed to work with a second agency and our social worker recommended Holt International. After doing some research we agreed to apply with Holt. We also decided that we wanted a "waiting child." Waiting children tend to be older, 1 year and up, and have medical needs. Maybe I should explain why...we lost a baby in 2001 and I was devasted. I prayed for answers and I screamed at God for being so cruel. One night after much praying and crying and begging for help I finally fell asleep. At one point I could feel myself surrounded by a warm, soft light and I heard a voice. This voice told me that I was to love the children nobody wanted. I woke up and new that I needed to do this, so we started doing foster care. We loved the children we met through foster care and every single one of them was considered special needs. I think we were meant to do foster care to prepare us for our Forever Family.